In Which The Fourth Wall Does Not Exist
by Kitsune Onna1
Summary: Tag to The Monster at the End of This Book, Dean was a fanboy, and he was shameless, but he was not a shameless fanboy.  And anyway, he was only a fan of the fandom.  And really, the fourth wall is over rated in the first place.
1. Chapter 1

In Which The Fourth Wall Does Not Exist

It all starts when Dean, unable to wrap his head around it, begins researching _Wincest_. For no reason. At all. Really. He was Not Morbidly Curious. _Really_. Sam, who is already disturbed plenty from the first, initial encounter, ignores his older brother's increasing fascination with the Supernatural fandom.

Any exchanges on the matter usually go down similar veins:

"God, fangirls are creepy as hell." Dean would mutter.

"Yeah, yeah they are." Sam would reply, not even encouraging his brother to share the trauma or telling his to get off. Dean would either be all too happy to share or want to protect his baby brother's mind on the first count and the second would be ignored.

That was all before Hell tough. And before they had an angle with them on occasion.

One thing was clear in both brothers' minds, however–protect Castiel from the horrors of fangirls and the Supernatural fandom. Dean will still look into it whenever he has a free moment to spare and Sam will still ignore it, but Dean stops the comments. Castiel may not care that Dean has a strange fixation on a fandom that is based off of his brother and his adventures, but Dean doesn't want the angel to lose _all_ faith he has in humanity due to finding out that fangirls are stalkerish nut balls that like to slash Dean and his brother at every opportunity.

All goes well in this plan of action. Until the day Dean first sees Cas/Dean.

On that day, it is a relatively calm day. Sam is instructing the angel on the finer points of human interaction and Dean is on the computer.

Castiel had been known to the fandom for some time now. It wasn't too bad. They tend to like him, actually. Unfortunately, this meant that he gets tortured mercilessly in their writings. Dean had actually been looking at a bunch that ran along the same vein as that when he spotted it.

And he promptly launches himself out of his chair yelling and cursing a blue streak.

When Castiel goes to see what caused the hunter to launch himself out of his own chair, Dean, grabbed the computer and shut it down.

He tells Sam later, and claims the Most Abused by Fandom prize for a whole week. Right up until he finds that some sadist had put a gargoyle curse on his baby brother and is making him die via turning stone. After that, Sam get's the prize back

For his part, Castiel doesn't see what's so bad about Supernatural. Then again, he also doesn't know what fangirls are capable of.

It takes two weeks of both hunters actively hiding the fandom from him for the angel to get fed up. When he's not with them the next time, he goes to find out about the Supernatural fandom.

When they see him next, the first words out of his mouth are "They do know you two are brothers and that that is a sin right? And that there isn't anything between Dean and I?" he's confused when Sam storms away to get brain bleach–again–and Dean just takes him back to the small motel room they're staying in for the night to explain.

He tells Castiel that, yes, the fangirls know that, canonically, neither pairing is true. The thing is, they don't care. At all.

In fact, it seems that telling them so and trying to enforce it only encourages them.

After that, both Dean and Castiel look into the Supernatural fandom a lot. Sam still ignores it. Dean still makes comments. But now, Castiel makes comments too. And they find that that's not too bad.

Its one particular comment, from Dean no less, which finally gets Sam to look into the fandom as well. Just to _know_.

"You know, I think Hell could take a few lessons from some of these girls."

* * *

I do not like this part much. but I figure it goes well with the second part.

Also, I adore the episode in the fourth season: The Monster at the End of This Book. it breaches the fourth wall so.


	2. Chapter 2

In Which The Fourth Wall Does Not Exist

Dean thinks that, if he were normal, he'd be a shameless fanboy of Supernatural. He is a fanboy, and he is shameless but Dean is _not_ a shameless fanboy. And certainly not of Supernatural. He's a fan of the fandom, more like.

That he has started to write his own nightmares down and is considering posting them on one site or another, just to get them _out there_ and _away from him_ tells him that much. He knows that he's not very good at the writing thing. He knows he'll have people telling him his writing is crap and unrealistic.

But it helps. To write it down. It gets the images out of his head. Since he's started writing it down, the nightmares have become less. They aren't so bad now. More like prospective stories than night horrors left over from his time in Hell or the hunts.

He's written about Hell too. He wonders what people would think of it. And it helps to write about it, too. Dean can't talk about those things. Not with Castiel–he's an angel. He wouldn't understand–and not with Sam–he would never put those things in his brother's already screwed head.

So he has a USB with all the files. And he writes when no one's paying attention. And it helps. Sam's noticed, but he says it's a good change and he asks Dean if he can share his secret. Dean shrugs and seals his lips. If Sam knew that somewhere, he had files that held detailed accounts of what happened to him, Dean's baby brother would go looking for it. And he might find it. Dean won't let that happen.

Dean secretly ships Cas/Dean.

He knows it's reading about himself and the angel. He just doesn't care. Dean can relate to the Wincest fangirls and boys. After a while, you just _like_ a pairing, no matter that it's wrong.

He cringes at Wincest anyway. Because that's just so _wrong_ that he will never be able to read it.

Unless it's fluff. Dean has discovered that he loves fluff. Since he _knows_ that Sam will never let him live that sort of thing down, he makes sure to have an action/adventure on hand to whip out the moment Sam looks over his shoulder out of morbid curiosity.

And anyway, fluff can usually be taken several different ways, so it's not so bad.

When Dean first stumbled upon fan art, it was a very well done, x–rated Wincest piece that was so not work safe that it wasn't even funny.

Sam had to bad luck to see it before Dean could manage to _close the fuck out_ and he began to loudly yell about how much he hated Supernatural–even thought he knows Sam looks at the fandom too. Dean is only seconds behind him, yelling about how anyone can make such pictures.

Late that night, he's looking at x–rated renditions of Castiel. Many of them are very close to the real thing and it kind of scares dean, a little.

Dean can't look at Castiel in the eye the next day. The angel wonders, but doesn't say anything.

Dean started posting and was soon declared the best source of Supernatural angst on the internet. He likes the praise and he likes that no one thinks that this is real and he likes that no one _knows_ that he's really _Dean Winchester_. The user name, AmNotDean, he thinks is funny and he likes that he can still be called Dean even if nobody knows that he's Dean.

He professes, eventually, that he has a hard time with Wincest, but he can understand where the fans are coming from. He tells random strangers that he may be falling for an angel and he really needs to stop reading Cas/Dean. He tells them that he _has_ the nightmares that he's written.

And people respond in a variety of ways. Some tell him to suck it up, some tell him he should get help, some encourage him to read more Cas/Dean, because really, who can resist that?

In the end, Dean does what he's been considering for a while now.

He announces that he'll be writing his first ever Cas/Dean fanfiction.

His fans go insane.

Dean doesn't actually get to write his story until after the war, when everything has calmed down enough for him to get some time alone with his own, new computer.

He has a house now, and his life is going in the direction of boringly normal.

Dean knows he will not stay like this for very long, he can't, but he will stay until his fanfiction is done.

So one day, after the war and after he has a solid and steady job, Dean sits down and opens a Word document. And he begins to write.

Dean writes his Cas/Dean fic for a year. He's never satisfied with it and keeps adding on. And then one day, he re–reads what he's written and he decides that it's ready. It's monstrously long, even for a book, and he wonders if maybe he should wait a little longer, edit it a bit more.

In the end, Dean posts it, chapter by chapter, all in one day.

There is no immediate response. Dean didn't expect one. He hasn't posted anything for nearly two years, so it makes sense that his fans would be anxious to read what he's put up after so long.

After a week, the comments start filtering in. Not all of them are positive, but Dean can't care, because most of them are falling all over themselves to express how great it is. After nearly one thousand reviews and comments, only two really stand out from the rest.

AmNotSam's and DoubtfulAngel's.

The former's was as follows:

_I had no idea you swung that way. And just when did you ever have time to see Cas without pants? I know you've seen me without pants, so that's not a mystery at least. And seriously, do you have a wing kink I never knew about? Were you screwing angels on the side this whole time? If so, I __demand__ recompense._

Dean could tell it was Sam. He just had no idea that Sam was into the fandom enough to find him, or read what he'd wrote. He's guiltily grateful that he could make that comment private. He didn't need people knowing that Supernatural was real. He really didn't.

And anyway, it is the other comment that he really took issue with.

…_That explains a great deal about why you could never look me in the eye some days. Also, I had no idea you were such a talented writer._

And that was it.

Dean knew that had to be Castiel, and oh god did his face burn at that thought. His story wasn't exactly innocent. In fact, it was downright NC–17 some chapters. He wonders what he should do about this.

After nearly a week of debate, he responds to only those two comments and then gets ready to leave.

To the first, he says only '_If I were getting laid during that whole mess, I would not have been __nearly__ as pissy. So don't get your panties in a knot, __little sister__._' And to the second he replies with '_neither did I until I started posting._'

Two days later, Dean is gone from his normal life and is back on the road in his Impala.

The next time Dean sees his brother, he wonders if Sam will bring up his writing. When Sam doesn't, Dean relaxes and they both pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist for a while.

Dean is glad that Sam doesn't bring it up. It allows him to be less embarrassed about it. And allows him to bring it up later, when they're surrounded and tied up and in dire need of humor.

"AmNotSam, really? I had no idea you were such a fan." He says. The sharp jab to his ribs cuts off his chuckle, but he still laughs on the inside.

"AmNotDean? Were you asking to be recognized?" he returns. Dean just laughs harder and is happy to hear Sam laugh too.

The next time Dean sees Castiel, he hopes that the angel will do the same as Sam.

He doesn't.

Instead, he asks all kinds of questions about it. All about Hell, and his nightmares. But not about the Cas/Dean one. For that he's thankful.

Until Castiel asks why he never said anything about the growing attraction. Then Dean is all kinds of mortified. He does everything he can to avoid answering, but eventually, Castiel pins him to the wall, tired of him trying to escape, and stares at him meaningfully until Dean caves.

He tells the angel that he was too shy to say anything. That it just didn't go with the character he'd built up for others to see.

There is silence after this. Silence that presses in on him and makes Dean fidget awfully. And then, just like that, it's gone. Because Castiel is kissing him and Dean isn't entirely convince that this isn't a dream so he kisses back, just in case it is–or isn't, it doesn't matter either way.

He knows that someone out there is writing about this. There's always someone writing about his life. He wonders if it'll ever be fully recognized as cannon but that's not too important.

All that's important right now, is the angel's lips against the hunter's.

Yes, Dean finds that he likes Cas/Dean a lot, and that he likes the Supernatural fandom a lot too.

* * *

I like this part a lot more.

that is all.


End file.
